I just translated and uploaded the previous blog post with good, simple advice that I couldn’t implement myself. I’m usually great at self-discipline, pursuing goals, dedication, and action. Not long ago, a friend said to me, “it’s so good that you can ask for exactly what you need.” Yes, I can – once, twice, a hundred times. But when what I really need is committed, continuous support, not through a screen, not limited to an hour a week, for months and maybe more, that’s not a reasonable thing to ask for, and there’s really no one to ask it from.
As Charles Eisenstein says, “We remind each other what is real, we hold our stories together. When I am strong, I hold the story for my brother. When I am weak, my sister holds the story for me.” I have often had the privilege of being the one who could hold the story. It’s an immense blessing. Lately, I need others to hold it for me – and I see that an hour a week, or a workshop, or a course does not begin to fill the void. This is an important reminder amid my longing to go back to offering exactly these things – workshops, courses, facilitation. Those are good, but don’t begin to fill the place of the missing community or village that’s necessary for a healthy life. Whereas the invisible, unlauded work of daily support that receives no admiration, is actually the support we lack, the kind that changes worlds.
We tend to feel inadequate and wrong when we need help, when we cannot make it alone. But we are not supposed to be alone. This is one of the lies of the culture of separation. To get out of the trap we’re caught in, we need both to support and to be supported. That is what creates a community – real need and response to the need. Being responsible for oneself is essential, but must be balanced in connections that include our need for the gifts of others.
So what’s my message here? When you have something to give, give it and appreciate that, especially for the everyday giving that is not admired. And when it’s your turn to be the one who needs support, remember that it’s not shameful to need help, it’s a major part of being human, and get it if you can.