Guidance – Make a List

I’ve already written how the message I’ve been getting lately is to listen carefully and follow the guidance that will only be revealed one step at a time, to move forward bit by bit and not expect to see further than that. On the one hand, reality is so chaotic now. On the other, I can’t perceive everything that the ones guiding me see. I’m fine with that, as long as the guidance keeps coming.

I need it. In addition to an extremely difficult period collectively, I have an ongoing challenge in my personal life. Sharing it probably won’t make a great impression, but, it doesn’t make sense to share what’s going well without the context of what isn’t. Having a spouse with dementia means the person who was used to be a source of support becomes an increasing burden over a very long time span with no positive horizon. My message isn’t “poor me” – my partner has the best possible dementia – he’s quite happy, he enjoys music and food and walking and sleeping, and is quite carefree as long as I’m around.
But that’s the catch – I need to be around. With the exception of one daughter, there’s no other family nearby, no robust social network (robust would mean mobilized for many years of support, not likely) – I spend most of the time alone with him, some with people who I pay one way or another (I don’t underestimate any of them for a moment, I don’t know what I would do without them! If you are one of them and come across this post, know that I am grateful beyond words for what each one of you brings to my life!), sometimes a short virtual event or exchange session (also wonderful, but still virtual), and once in a while a much needed meeting with a friend. I’m a contemplative type anyway, like many writers, but this is too isolated even for me, and it’s a constant challenge to keep finding meaningful things to do and ways to not be alone.

But recently, I started getting consistent guidance in my sleep. Not via dreams that I remember; instead I wake up almost every morning with some guidance: do this. Always clear and practical. I am so grateful for it, because this whole puzzle of how to get my work out there and manage my life has been too challenging.
I don’t necessarily see what the following step will be, but I trust the guidance and do my best to follow instructions, whatever they are. And they lead me to what I wanted, which is to use the gifts given to me to serve the collective good, the divine life force. A rather abstract request that has to be expressed moment by moment in tangible, focused action, a series of very small steps.

So the most recent guidance was to compile a mailing list of people who might be interested in courses I open, or rituals or circles I lead.* Maybe it’s absurd that I’d need intuitive guidance for something that’s elementary business management, but there’s so much to do, I easily get confused and do nothing. But I do know how to receive guidance and follow my intuition. (I try, anyway, and yes, I also sometimes listen to logic instead and discover that was a mistake.)

So I’m compiling a list – if you want to hear about courses, rituals, workshops, or circles, send me your email address. I won’t write much, especially not on the list for English speakers, but who knows? Maybe that will be relevant at some point too!
What will I offer? I don’t know, they haven’t told me yet. But I trust they will.

*How do I expect to open courses and lead rituals when I’m with my partner all the time? A. He sleeps early and a lot. B. His presence isn’t necessarily intrusive. C. I don’t know yet. I imagine I’ll find out.